I have never been much of a sadomasochist really, in the past I have enjoyed giving and receiving light spankings but that is about it, even though I had been trained in impact play. A few months ago I went through a life experience that left me feeling kind of numb and I wanted to feel something…something more, something different. I don’t know it’s kind of hard to explain really and hopefully someone out there will get it and understand. It was at that moment I felt like I wanted to be spanked harder than I ever wanted to be spanked before however I felt the need to tread carefully because this for me was uncharted territory. I was not just going to advertise this just anywhere because I did not want to get in the hands of the wrong person. Shortly after having that feeling my mentor T and I happened to get together and I asked him to spank me harder than he ever had before, so he did and it actually felt good even though in the past it never did feel good to be spanked that hard.
About a couple months prior to my experience that caused my feeling of numbness I had been working with myself to build up my tolerance to pain along with changing my mindset towards pain along the way also. I had an area on my body with a scar that I have had for several years and it was always very sensitive and painful. I started massaging the area with moderate pressure gradually applying more and eventually massaging it in a more of a rougher manner. At first it hurt like a mother fucker but each day it got better and better along with being able to tolerate more and more pain when originally I could not even handle the lightest touch on the area. Now I can handle quite a bit of pressure, pain and roughness on that area in general and I believe all in all it has made me be able to withstand more pain and roughness in other areas of my body also. This has opened a whole new door for me and now I am at the point where I want to see how much pain I can actually stand before I am calling red.
In the process I have found myself developing even more of a curiosity towards sadism also (I had always had a mild curiosity about it but now it was much stronger). I ended up going to an event within the kink community last week where there was a dungeon set up, I happened to bring a few toys along, my leather paddle (which is leather on one side and faux fur on the other) and my mini flogger (both shown in the picture above). I ended up finding a handsome young man who volunteered to be my very willing victim for the night. We sat down on a couch and had an in depth conversation about pain tolerance levels and expectations etc…
Next we progressed to the dungeon where he stripped down to nothing in front of a bunch of people while I was still fully clothed and he stood against the St. Andrews cross (facing it with his back side out in the open). I started off with just lightly running my hands all over his body and then applied a little more and a little more pressure with my hands. Then I picked up my mini flogger and started using it on the top of his back, over to his arms, then I worked my way down his entire body and down to his legs. I did this over and over several times, each time gradually going a little harder and a little harder, each time checking in with him over and over to see if the pressure was okay and to see if he wanted it harder, each time he did in deed want it a little bit harder. Then I switched to using my paddle on his butt using mostly the leather side by delivering a whack and then soothing the pain with my hand then when he least expected it I would throw in a whack with the soft faux fur side. Again I got progressively harder and harder each time but I was always checking in with him to find out how he was doing. After the paddling then I switched to using my long finger nails all over the back side of his body, starting off with the top of the back, working my way down and of course just like before gradually using more pressure each time and checking in on a regular basis also.
At the very end I used my hands and just lightly stroked his skin to bring him back down to earth. I had him stand a moment relaxing against the cross while I cleaned off my toys and put them away. Then he and I, along with his friends (they were a lovely couple that I had been getting to know along with him during the evening) went to the aftercare room where he and I proceeded to cuddle while the friends sat cuddled into each other quietly talking. Then they asked to join us and we both said yes, of course please do, soon it turned into one big cuddle pile with the four of us. We were all kissing and cuddling, it was so much fun. Soon I had to leave though because if not my carriage was going to turn into a pumpkin or in other words my ride had to be up at 6 a.m. and I had to go however it was truly a very wonderful night! This was the first time I had ever actually done a public BDSM scene before (outside of just being invited into a scene doing a little bit of flogging or spanking here and there) this was my very own scene from start to finish and it felt great (in the past I have only done things like this in private). I felt like I was on a stage doing a performance even though there were others in the dungeon utilizing the other crosses and spank benches, with a bunch of people sitting and standing around and watching. The whole night actually felt magical!
Until next time!