I was going to do a video for my YouTube Channel regarding chronic pain and sex however I am having some CPU challenges at the moment so I have decided instead I am to going to do a blog post in my word docs about letting go of past friendship, relationship and sexual baggage (I will refer to this going forward just as past relationship baggage because it is easier to type but it does encompass everything for this particular post). When my CPU’s are done having challenges and I am able to get online to post I will. I will save doing the video for chronic pain and sex for later.
One of the things that I have struggled with over the years has been letting go of past relationship baggage, this is baggage of things over the years related to scenarios with friends, family, people I have been in relationships with and lovers. These scenarios seem to be on an auto play audio and visual recording in my head and something will trigger a particular interaction and it will replay over and over again and it drives me crazy because I will get all worked up like I am reliving it all over again. Also at times I will be with another person and something will get triggered and I will have to spew word vomit of said interaction that is playing in my head and sadly the other person is just an innocent by stander aka friend that just happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Usually I am alone though and a scenario will play through and at times I even find myself getting angry because I am reliving it all over again.
I try not to stifle my anger though; I usually just roll with it and try to figure out the lesson I am supposed to learn in all of this. Over the years I have done many things, saw therapists, did journaling, meditating and forgiveness work and one of the things I realized is that I am turning into my mother!!! Ugh, I really, really don’t want that because she is the queen of holding onto to past baggage, she will be 87 in May so she has a LOT of past baggage that she just can’t seem to let go of after all of these years, I know because I am one of the people that she chooses to word vomit this crap all over from time to time.
So just the other day I was plagued by some thoughts of some dumb fuck boy from the past that made me angry and I just thought to myself I am really ready to let go of this shit so I contacted a trusted friend to just talk it over with and we talked for about an hour. My friend listened and offered up some suggestions which were to journal about it, to cut cords from these people when they pop into my head and to learn reiki which were all excellent suggestions. So right after our conversation I did some journaling and after that I was going about my business doing house work or whatever and all of a sudden I start to think about some past relationship baggage and I could tell I was starting to spiral downward into that rabbit hole yet again.
I paused and said to myself…”I am totally here for you but what are you trying to tell me?” That voice inside myself said to me…”I want to be heard”. I replied back “okay, I have been listening to you for years but you keep saying the same thing over and over every time so how can I help you?” The voice said “I want you to make sure these things do not happen again” (a lot of these situations were abusive, not all but a lot were). So, I told myself “yes, I will admit that I have made some bad choices in the past and I am committed to listening to my intuition from now on and making the best choices possible in my life with whatever resources I have available” (A lot of the scenarios in the past were about making bad life choices and of course I forgive myself for making these bad choices – forgiveness is a very important step) “however things I do not have control over in the future I cannot guarantee whether or not they will happen again because of course those things are beyond my control”. The voice in my head responded with “thank you.” After that I did some cord cutting with some people from my past also.
There are times when a person just really needs to check in with themselves and ask the question what are you trying to tell me and how can I help you? I suggest trying this out the next time you are reliving a past experience in your head that represents some baggage that you have had. You may be surprised by what you might learn and whatever message you get or lesson you learn I highly suggest that you follow it because that is what your soul wants and needs.
Until next time!